Bigger Picture

Just had this realisation that I have lost the bigger picture.

I get these emails from something called the Tipura Foundation. Something I subscribed to a good while ago because I admired their efforts to help people. The latest one that came through fostered a surge of admiration and jealousy. The whole idea of giving myself up to something greater felt so appealing. It was something I also recognised that I used to do of a matter of course. This I have to admit may have been to my detriment at times.

So what on earth has happened to this altruism? I feel I have become too self centred.
Even to the point that it has become a matter of my enlightenment. That is little me. Forgetting that in truth there is no little me.
My awakening is truly every bodies awakening.

As the course says:
................let your mind in quietness be changed so that the world is freed, along with you.

You need not realize that healing comes to many brothers far across the world, as well as to the ones you see nearby, as you send out these thoughts to bless the world. But you will sense your own release, although you may not fully understand as yet that you could never be released alone.

My salvation is the "apparent" worlds salvation.

I loose the world from all I thought it was.

I was dwelling on this lesson the other night. It is number 132 in A Course in Miracles. Being aware of how anything I percieve is illusionary and how hard I work at making it real and important. When suddenly, I get a momentry sense of loosing this world I believe in. It was a beautiful sense of release. Then just as suddenly I find a huge wave of fear rise up, fear of being totaly lost to this emense space.

This is sumed up in this piece from the lesson -
There is no world! This is the central thought the course attempts to teach. Not everyone is ready to accept it, and each one must go as far as he can let himself be led along the road to truth. He will return and go still farther, or perhaps step back a while and then return again.
I had that sense of back and forth. A step along the road - Yes then no and a step back. But at least I got a glimps. Of both the release but also the huge bank of fear that holds all this dear and will do whatever it can to hold on to it.

So how do I treat it? How do I relate to it? Forgiveness, remember it is as much part the illusion as anything. In truth there is no fear. No matter how big I experience it, and this was big.

So now I find myself stuck with this lesson at the moment. It is staying with me effortlessly and for that I am gratful.