Retreat Return

So I have returned, refreshed. What a pleasant experience. It was conducted on a Franciscan Friary, which upon entering I immediately felt myself relax and feel totally at home.
I am not sure that I had a very concrete idea of what I wanted from it. However I found myself very focused on ACIM, with ease.
After a group session - where we were told that that the focus was on the symbiotic relationship of forgiveness, my forgiveness is yours and yours is mine - I retired to my room to read and focus on a lesson. The intention was to stay with lesson 132 that I have been with for a good while now. However I found myself listening to lesson 125 "In quiet I receive Gods word today" So as synchronicity appeared to be at work, I went with it. It could not have been clearer.
What was I to hear? Up came the fear that I would be asked to do something painful or frightening. Then immediately I get a voice reminding me that I will never be asked to do anything that would engender fear. I was focused on the form not content.

Next day, found myself drawn to The Voice for God (P75) which linked in with my lesson. Then drawn to "The Fear of Redemption" (P242) linking nicely in with my resistance.
In the morning session found myself talking with someone about our resistance to returning to the outside world. I then found myself being aware of how small I had made myself. Remembered the words "There is nothing outside of myself".
Lesson 169 was read out. "By Grace I Live. By Grace I am released" There it was again, the nudge towards opening, trust and letting go.
In the afternoon found myself disturbed by the recounting of my discovery of my "I am a mistake". Obviously touched on something as I found myself getting con fussed.
Then I get T 14:4:5.1 "Before you make any decisions for yourself, remember that you have decided against your function in heaven, and consider carefully whether you want to make decision here. Your function here is to only decide against what you want, in recognition that you do not know".

The last day I have in the forefront of my mind the thought "I am not ready". Symbolised by resistance to going home.

There were a lot of thing tying in with each other, which felt easy and relaxed. Almost an effortless process, for which I am very grateful.

Now the real challenge to stay with it in the outside world.

Retreat

I do too much of that, retreating from the world. But this time I am off for weekend. It is Course in Miracles based and comes recomended. I have resistance to it as it does feel I am running away, when their is so much to do. However I do feel I need the space even though I not long come away from a spa weekend. So much of my stress comes down to me getting distracted from truth. Take responsibility, its avoidance.

What do I want from this weekend? Re-centering and peace.

Transformation

I am caught up with the idea that there is something to transform.
Last weekend my wife and I spent 3 days transforming our living room. A new carpet was arriving on the Tuesday and Thursday we decided to change the colours of the room totally. Fortunately it was not the best of weather for spending outside, so after a day of angst we settled on some nice Eco friendly paints, very different to what was up. The room was to be changed from a strong orange, to more subtle greens. It has worked and after 4 layers of paint on the walls, along with filling and gloss. Of course there are repercussions. We then have to paint the fireplace and the bookshelves.
It appears that whatever we change will reflect on something else, then that needs changing. Puts me in mind of something from a book by Bartholomew. He described changing things being similar to seeing a crease in a curtain, straitening it out only to create another wrinkle.
That image has stayed vividly with me. Life is full of those apparent wrinkles we have to sort out. More fool us. When am I / are we going to learn there are no wrinkles? There is only one place a question like that can come from, that is the ego. From the space of truth there is nothing to learn.
Back to the lesson I am working with at the moment. Number 132.

I who remain as God created me would loose the world from
all I thought it was. For I am real because the world is not,
and I would know my own reality.